Barbecue Coach

And here you thought the animals were simply blessed by their creator, endowed with the rich flavor and utter worthlessness that render them fit for nothing but death.

Such innocence is almost touching.

No, the animals have to work at this stuff. Sure, some come by it naturally, but for most, it's crack-of-dawn sweating and wind sprints. Like this chicken. Employing the vigorous whistle-tooting services of a coach, he hopes to be in fighting dying trim in time for the big event. It's a lifelong dream, and the dedicated understand that achieving a dream takes hard work and stick-to-it-ive spirit.

Lift those knees, bird! You think anyone's going to want to eat you with drumsticks like that?