Good Eats

This relic, an anonymous scrap of clip art, belongs in the Suicide Food Hall of Fame. (Which doesn't exist. But should. But not really. But whatever.)

Do you have the eerie feeling that you've seen this fat fellow before? That knowing smile, that canny eye, that awesome girth?

We suppose it's possible, but more likely you've run across his legions of offspring. Like a storied patriarch, he sits at the base of a great, ramifying tree reaching to the heavens and filling up the sky with his influence. He consecrates History's pillared firmament!

The Ur-Pig is the grand progenitor of an entire kingdom, a domain of living things destined for something greater than life, creatures whose aspirations can be told in a poem of two mighty words: good eats.

Those other pigs, cows, chickens, and sheep (and the rest)—if they have seen far and striven with valor for Death's vaunted trove, it is only because they have stood on the shoulders of Good Eats the hog.